Nobody prepares you for this.

Okay, since I'm sure not many people tend to read my nonsense.
I need to vent without speaking to an actual person. (that's just too much people interaction for me)

So. As we just got back from The Trip to Galveston with my dad, as it did keep my mind off of my life (as it seems the shambles that's left from it falling apart) 

I've come to realize.
I am not happy with anything in my life.
I mean don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY KIDS more than life it's self. but, I just feel as if something is missing. I have somewhat of a farm. Right? I have 4 chickens. 2 dogs. a turtle. 2 fish. 3 goats. 1 horse 2 ducks. It keeps me pretty occupied. but at the end of the day i'm still empty. My husband is always at work. so it tends to just be the kids and I. 
I really have a handful of friends. But you know they are way busy with their own lives/problems. 

I don't know how to get to the actual point. I'm depressed.
All i do is sit at home. WE live paycheck to paycheck. 
me working isn't an option as we've recently found that our son has autism. 
I could be depressed due to the fact that i've made the courageous decision to not have any more children. Financially the best move ever because right now we're not poor, we're just not on top of the world either. we're stuck in the middle where things get tough, and when you want to rip out your significant other's throat because you want something other than what's on the stupid list, without a coupon or that's not in the budget. I don't know the ins and outs of Autism. I don't know anything at this point in time. and i feel as if i'm just talking in circles. it's a wonder i can even read this.
Main question-- How in the hell do i find myself? find my happy again? I know i'm not me anymore.

Between potty training, Therapy, School pick up and drop off. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, groceries, Showers and cleaning. I'm not the girl he married almost 10 years ago. I don't know where she is, why she left or how to get her back. I'm just one big puddle of depressed shit. 

Another question?

Why do i resent my husband?---
is it because i'm with the kids all day everyday? 
i am the enforcer. the chauffeur. the maid. the cook. the nurse all of these things? and he just shows up and they love him more than ever? as if he does anything for them? what's he do? he sees them a a majority of the time when they are asleep?
yes. he makes the money? but who pays the bills? who cooks, cleans, buys the household items? ME! not him. 

okay i think i may be done now. i'm sure i just made an ass out of myself.
fuck it.

It's been forever.

So you all understand who i'm speaking of.
*Beauty Queen* -9 year old daughter
*Middle Turd* -6 year old daughter
*Tiny Terrorist* -2 year old son


It's been forever since i've updated this thing. 
I don't even know if anyone reads it. But, I need to vent.


So, Some things are bothering me more than they should i suppose.
Depression being one.
Beauty Queen went to her dad's saturday. and then off to camp for 2 weeks.
i'm so over having to share her. seeing as how she lives with my mom, because i had her when i was 16 on a military post i still don't like the fact that she's always gone, and i only get her when daddy makes her mad. Don't get me wrong, My husband and i have money. But we also have to pay bills, live on our own and have two other children. Which we do try and keep everything fair in-between the 3 of our kids. Well, She want's mommy when her daddy doesn't follow through with something he promised (which i might add is alot.) He still lives with his dad. has another child from a highschool fling (which he married and divorced) and now he's engaged to his step sister. He was working in afghanistan making good money but never saw beauty queen. now that he's back in the states, he is a car washer. he doesn't want to pay his child support for either child, and all he cares about is his new found love and his fake fast and furious cars.

anyways. enough of that. it's just making me even more mad.

Incase you've missed the update.
I did move back to where my husbands family lives.
We are living on 40 Acres of land. 
Horse, Chickens, Ducks, Dogs, Turtles, Bunnies. ETC.

If you've followed with the infant ordeal.
Thank you all so much for your help.
She's doing good. BUT her mother and i got into it. and well.. that didn't turn out well.
She's the most shittiest person i've ever met in my life.  i have a house to clean, but i'm clearly avoiding it. okay, i think i'm done. maybe it'll be sooner next time. 

New Year, New Problems.

Well, I bid you all a late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
My Christmas was eventful.
New year has started out as a shit sandwich. 
Right now, i'd prefer to shit in my hands and clap. 
The husband quit his job QUIT HIS FUCKING JOB of all things.
and is taking a driving job. Meaning he'll be leaving here (Houston area) and going 10 hours away (Midland Texas) which drives me nuts.
Why? because i'm still trying to get used to this area. and i've not met any people i can "connect" with yet. so it'll just be the kids and i.
Awesome right?
i know i shouldn't bitch about this awesome opportunity. but i'm going to anyway.

I'm so stressed again.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

So, today while all the telemarketers called, well.. the same one starting at 5AM, i let the 2 year old talk to them. I told the terror that it was santa at first. The second time, i told him it was Jake from Jake and the Neverland pirates. :) I haven't heard from them since.

I have this nasty cough, like whooping cough. but no snot.
weird. but it's killing my muscles. super strength nyquil to the rescue.

i've lost my train of thought. because trashy reality t.v came on. i'm so excited!!! :)

Is this the real life? Is this just Fantasy?

Caught in a land slide, no escape from reality.
open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, i'm just a poor boy, 
i need no sympathy because i'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low.





Thank you. I know you all enjoyed that as much as i did.
Now, back to our regular scheduled program. 
The other night The Husband and I went to The Woodlands to look at Christmas lights.
We were kind of disappointed with the turn out.
The 6 year old referred to the people with the nice gigantic houses with no lights "gibberish" people which to her is Jewish. 
Now, to the husband and i that was funny. Nothing against Jewish people, it was just the way she said it.
It takes me back to memory lane, One year we were in Alabama with my Grandmother (and it's tradition to go around town and look at everyone's Christmas display.) and of coarse she was drunk. So we are going from house to house, street to street. and we came across a house that i guess my grandmother seemingly didn't care for the people who vacated this home, so she's rambling on to my Parental Devices, saying "those people are fucking retarded, you know they don't have any damn lights" and all i can remember is everyone laughing entirely too hard. 
whatever, it was funny. 

Our light display this year at our new home is sad. we just have a few strands, so i guess to my late grandmother we'd be "fucking retarded" my house has Christmas shit everywhere on the inside. I just can't find the out-door decorations. And i don't want to buy more because i'm being a cheap ass. (shh i think i'm turning into my husband)

For those of you who've been following me on my FB page. Crazy Mommy That says Fuck a lot. I know you don't ask, but i wonder if any of you wonder why i'm so anti-everything this year? i'm not sure if it was updated or if i even had the page then. but i lost my grandmother in March. (which is the women who raised me and i basically thought to be my mother. yes the one from the memory above) well, everything i knew was from her, and since i was the one who took care of her up until her last breath i feel like everything i know is a lie. Because she isn't here to correct the things I do. pretty sappy shit man. the'fuck?
there i go again all in my feelings and shit. 

Christmas; it will include a drunk and full of pills Crazy mommy.
sounds kinda bad, but i already take anxiety meds. so i'll take them AND DRINK for christmas. i'll be in the holly jolly fucking spirit. those bitches won't know what hit em. (those bitches = the husband and my family) Smile and fucking wave boys. kill them with kindness. although i'd rather just kill them in general. ha. kidding.. or am i?  

Introduction More or Less.

I've been "blogging" on and off since I was about 13 years old. So technically it comes easy, I've been comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with random strangers, rather than my own family and friends. Don't get me wrong, since I've been "blogging" I have made some great friends, but it's easier to express yourself to a complete stranger, than someone you've known your whole life.

When people blog, and make it public with websites such as  Facebook, All the opinions of others tend to come out, and you get judged. Or even the worse it's like a slap in the face. They read and keep up with you, only to send vulgar messages and e-mails attacking you because you do things differently. (Which brings me to my point) We were raised to think and see things differently, but now that we're adults, our way of thinking is being attacked. Only for doing what our elders told us to do. Express ourselves. Be free. Be you. Now, With that being said, I do. (we as bloggers or humans in general do) So, for someone to open their life to the public just for Shits and Giggles, or to share their life story just to be seen or heard is a big step for most. But We DO NOT appreciate being attacked, or mauled by the fuck-tards that think they know better than we. 

Some of us have Fan Pages. That's our secret identity. We feel free, in a sense that you know us, but you don't 'know know' us. 
Please remember, Some (most) of the things we say are sarcastic. and we enjoy being funny. 
Do not take offense to anything typical like "i'm going to gouge my kids eyeballs out if they don't shut up" Really? I would never harm my children, just because i have random silly/crazy thoughts doesn't mean you can attack me and tell me you'll send DCFS/CPS to my house. It's all in good fun folks. 

On to the next;
Do not correct my grammar. yes, i may miss-spell a few things or use improper punctuation, but guess what? I don't give a shit. My computer doesn't fix everything like my phone does, even so, my phone is a whore and makes no sense of a simple sentence. 


So. I am a mother of 3. I was a Teen Pregnancy Statistic in the Year of 2005. I was married at 17 years old in 2006. I Live in Texas.
I like to drink, cuss and have a good time. My Corner of the world is pretty crazy. 
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not a party animal. I'm a mother of 3. 1 of which is in a terrible 2 stage.. why would i not drink? My DOB is December 23. 

That's all i have for now.
Stay Tuned.